To link to this blog from blog posts/comments, use [blog shabby_doll], from anywhere else use http://personals.westword.com/blog/shabby_doll,
and to read it remotely use the feed.
We've known each other for 2.5 years...most of that time, when one of us was single, the other one was in a relationship. He is dating someone now, but he told me that the chemistry just isn't there. I know he kinda likes me, because our mutual friend (a good-hearted bigmouth) informed me. So there isn't that particular risk.
I am hesitant for a couple of reasons...Number One is most important: I don't think I have dated a friend since college (and that didn't work out too well.) I consider him a friend, and our mutual friend a pretty close girlfriend. I don't want to fuck up the individual or the larger friendships.
Any advice/insights/stories you might have about dating a friend or asking out a friend -- or girls asking guys out -- would be really awesome.
It's SO awesome to be back wit cha! ANd it's so fun now that I can check all o' ya out on le Libre du Visage!!! Thanks, Dae!
I am also happy cuz I am enjoying the holy beejaysus out of this yummy internet radio program called 1-2-3-4 More, More, More! which is on woxy (dot com) and features really luscious post-punk & power pop. Where else are ya gonna hear Rockpile, the Raspberries and Elvis (C!!) in a row? Goody gumdrops!!!
And if that is not enough to make you wanna puke, I had a totally insanely productive day at work! Whoooopeeeeeeee!!!!
Today would have been the one-year anniversary of me & my last boyfriend (he dumped me 2 months ago.) He & I got along really well, but for much of the time we were together, I missed the things I really liked about my life as a single woman...going out with my girlfriends, having a lot of "down-time", a lot of "me-time".
Now that I have been single again for 2 months, I am feeling just as ambivalent about the single life as I felt about my last relationship. Part of me wants to meet someone wonderful, but I guess I am just feeling sort of doubtful and cynical about relationships. And I'll admit: I am scared of getting older and losing my "market value". As a 40-something single woman in the NY suburbs, I have to tell you, it's slim pickings! I am on 2 dating websites -- the cupid and the fish -- and the most intriguing "arrow"/"bite" I've had lately was from someone an hour & 1/2 away in northern Connecticut.
Anyways, my best friend and I recently had a conversation in which she told me about how every time she is in one place, she wants to be somewhere else. I guess this is sort of how I've been feeling about relationships vs. the single life.
At the Glamour Women of the Year Awards, Amy Poehler offered advice that touched me:
"Girls, if boys say something that’s not funny, you don’t have to laugh."
Ladies: many dates have you been on during which Mr. Comedian cracks a really lame joke (for me, this usually involves some sort of pun), then looks expectantly at you, waiting for you to oblige him with a courtesy laugh? Honestly, if I had a quarter for every time this happened to me, I cold ride the subway for a month. I could easily lapse into a full-blown polemic about the iniquities of dating etiquette, but I think I will spare you. But I will simply ask you this:
Why do you think men feel a pressure to be funny? And do you think it is true,as I have heard it suggested, that men do not like to date funny women?
Supposedly there are 7 "deadly sins": "Lust", "Gluttony", "Greed", "Sloth", "Wrath", "Envy", and "Pride".
To my way of thinking, the deadly sin of today is solipsism, the idea that the self is the only real entity.
How many times have you been driving at night and been BLINDED by people with those garish blue halogen lights? For the better visibility those lights afford, is it worth making it very difficult for other drivers to see the road? Yes, to a solipsist.
How many times have you had to listen to one side of a cell phone conversation in a public place? Do we really need to hear what you are cooking for dinner, or what he said, she said? Such a question would never cross the mind of a solipsist. It goes without saying that if you happen to be near them, you should just deal with their behavior.
T.S. Eliot said that "Hell is oneself, Hell is alone, the other figures in it merely projections." Word!
You know the part of Charlotte's Web at the end of the book when all of Charlotte's babies go flying off into the breeze and Wilbur is tearfully saying good-bye? That's how I feel now.
My sister lives in Nashville, my brother in Denver. My dad died 2 years ago. And this week my mom sold her house. She is moving from NY to TX in the beginning of January. THen I will be all alone, except of course for my daughter...everyone else will be a plane ride away.
I really wish life came complete with a rewind button!
Hello, fellow people of the blog! I am wondering what you make of this:
My 14 year-old daughter is friends with a really sweet girl I'll call Troy. Her parents are friendly, smart, successful and down-to-earth. They are friends with a few other couples in town who have kids the same age as my girl and Troy.
The other night, my daughter told me she was invited to a get together that Troy's parents friends were having. There would be parents making merry and kids hanging out. Troy was babysitting for a neighbor til 10 pm, though, so my daughter wasn't planning on going to the get-together til then. Then at 10, Troy's mom called and said Troy's babysitting gig was running late but the other kids at the party wanted my daughter to come now, and could she come over?
So I drive my daughter over, feeling like I must have a sign on my back proclaiming "SOCIAL PARIAH! STAY AWAY!" Seriously, Troy's parents and their friends are always really nice to me when we meet at a school function -- why didn't it occur to any of them to ask if I wanted to stop by? Yes, they are all married couples but SO WHAT? Are we single parents some foreign, scary species? Besides, they knew that SOMEBODY had to be the one to drive my daughter there? Why wouldn't they at least think to ask me in for a bit?????????
These are smart people in many respects...why were they so stupid in this instance? It really hurt my feelings.
...too much going on. Suffice it to say that last Friday we were broken up for an HOUR. then we looked at each other and he realized "that would be rilly dumb" but not in those words. We were back together shortly thereafter...back, 'n' better than ever!!!!!!!!oh yeah!!! That, as they say, is all, folks.......woo-hoo!
So I am like what the? He tells me…a lot of stuff. Oh, a lot. I am the most terrific person. I am beautiful, smart, etc, balh-zee-blah. BUT. He is scared. He doesn’t want to hurt me. His current sponsor said he is in love with being in love His old sponsor said not the right time for him. Maybe those wise people are right. Maybe.
I am like, I knew it, I knew it, I knew I shouldn’t have gone out with you. I forgot. He has been separated for over 3 years and is going through the divorce from hell. He tried to mediate and was giving up a lot…money, control over his kids’ lives. She was about to sign the agreement recently…and then at the last minute, she backed down. They are going to court on Tuesday. His lawyer still has not gotten back to him.
Yes I was not gunna meet him that first night but I said WTF…you seem nice, least I can do is meet. IT’S JUST A DATE, real low key. And it was…
And I cry. And I tell him what I told him on a totally unrelated topic a few days ago: Uno, do ya think maybe this is another act of self sabotage.
And I tell him, you know what? I AM an amazing person. And I just look at him, tears going down my face. He says “why are you looking at me like that?” I don’t remember what I said, maybe why not? Or I just am. Or Why? Or This is a mistake. Or something. This part of the night is like a crazy fricken trip. So he is covering a lot of his face with his fingers fanned out. I am just looking at him. And something shifts. Like a massive fucken shift. But we just can’t really say anything. I look down again. I don’t know what he’s doing. All I know is this is when I said I pray and I do. I pray a lot. I need guidance. I mean folks in blogsville, I heart your guidance but I am talking about something else…but at this point, I welcome all thoughts…reactions…
To link to this blog from blog posts/comments, use [blog shabby_doll], from anywhere else use http://personals.westword.com/blog/shabby_doll,
and to read it remotely use the feed.
