I'm a transplanted proofreader and comedy writer, but what I really want to do is nothing. I'm obsessively into comedy, language, '80s new wave and synthpop, salsa/mambo/Afro-Cuban dance, thrift shopping, Scrabble, finding new interests to obsess over and getting rid of things.
If you're into some of the same things, we should hang out. If you're not into my stuff, try to hook me on your stuff. (What's that thing that you're just a little too into?)
You need a laugh, and I'm messed up in all the right ways. Actually, everyone else is off, but I'm the only one who knows it. (You like know-it-alls, don't you? Actually, I'll answer for you. Yes, you do like know-it-alls. Trust me.)
From 9 to 5, I work as a proofreader, but I'm a comedy writer from 5 to 9. (For an idea of where my comedy head is, see Paul F. Tompkins, Arj Barker or Andy Daly.) I keep my comedy filter running all the time, but not in an obnoxious "always on" way, since I sometimes keep it to myself. I'm into finding the funny, even in the worst possible situation. It's the best mood stabilizer ever.
My Ideal Person:
I'm not the checklist-carrying type, but nothing wins me over like being at least quasi-funny and not taking yourself or life too seriously.
I think I could fall stalkerishly in love with a "yes and" or "what if" attitude, assuming it were attached to a woman. Attitudes suck on their own.
How's your telepathy?
You're not a zombie, are you? If you are undead, it isn't a deal breaker, but you should know that you'd be my first. I'm just putting it out there, in case that's a problem for you.
I guess that kind of was a checklist. I'm a fraud.
The last great book I read
Based on the first two chapters, I predict that "Things
I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me"
will be my newest favorite. I previously gave awesomeness
certification to "The Tipping Point" and "The
Tao of Pooh."
My dictionary and thesaurus are great, too. They're
full of twists.
I'm kind of into self-help books right now, even some
that don't apply to me. I'll be set if I ever end
up addicted or pregnant.
Favorite on-screen sex scene
"Buffalo '66" -- Everything that went
down in the motel room near the end was the best. They never
actually did it, but the awkward tension between them lying
in bed was spellbinding.
(For the effect I want "spellbinding" to have,
imagine James Lipton saying it.)
Also up there: the dirty bits of Secretary, Bound, Unfaithful
and Mulholland Drive. I'll add more as my brain's
smut center starts to kick in.
The celebrity I resemble the most
Since I moved to Los Angeles, I've become used to getting
variations of "Are you an actor?" (such as "Aren't
you one of those movie guys?"). I don't resemble
any well-known actors, so maybe I just look like a popular
waiter.
The best or worst lie I've ever told
There are lots of religious recruiter types who think I
don't speak English. Nothing shuts an evangelist
down like a fake language barrier. It's a benefit of
having a look that apparently says I'm from a place
where the main export is soccer or baseball players, fruity
drinks or kidnappings.
If I could be anywhere right now
I would be:
1) at rest 2) above the law 3) drunk with power
In my bedroom one will find...
... an industrial-strength mess. When I moved into my apartment,
I installed my portable clutter first, then I built around
it. Consider this my cry for help.
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